Change.

Trauma changes you. Just like that, without warning, you are changed.

On a gorgeous evening last July, I was radiating happiness from the amazing events of the week. From moderating a panel with key female execs, to chatting with our CEO about our interns to meeting Adam Levine, I was on the top of the world. A lifetime of amazing experiences, wrapped into one single, solitary week. And then, just like that, the sun lit night took a tragic turn.

Driving along a two lane road we saw a motorcyclist approaching us and driving out of control. Seconds later we witnessed the crash. With a split second decision, we turned around to help. For a moment, we were the only other people on the scene. Just us, a lifeless man and a shattered motorcycle with its radio blaring.

Quickly neighbors came out of their homes and an incredible woman stopped to help. She knelt down by his side, while we monitored him and waited for help. He suffered significant trauma and was lying face down in a pool of blood. Images that will never leave me. Just like that, in a split second, your life can end.

As traumatic as this encounter was, I didn’t know what was about occur a few short days later. My mom’s journey with younger onset Alzheimer’s was coming to an end.

Yes, she had been declining for some time, but she seemed stable when I left on a cross country work trip July 21^st. When I landed in Orlando, I received a VM from my mom’s caregiver. She recommended calling hospice back in. Yes, I was concerned and yes I started making plans to return home. This is what I did when my mom was in need -- It happened more than once and I remained calm, I’d been there before, I knew what to do. You see, I was in auto-pilot. Always in action mode and ‘handling’ my mom’s care, but not grieving the mom I had already lost through this devastating disease.

At 10:30am on July 22^nd, my mom died. She died without her family there. She died before hospice arrived to admit her into their care. How could this be? I was devastated. All of anticipatory grief I had felt from the prior five years came crashing down on me. I could barely breathe.

Trauma. Grief. Trauma. Grief.

Dealing with both simultaneously changed me. It made me look closely at my priorities. You have one life. How will you live it? How will your children remember you? Are you living a life that makes you happy? Do you have purpose? Are you living a life you want, or one you ‘think’ you need to live?

I asked myself those questions set out on a new path. A year later, here I sit, in Portland, Oregon. Change is good. Balancing work and family is a must. Doing work that I’m passionate about is exhilarating. And hey, that discount on exercise gear isn’t too bad either!

#justdoit